On Positive Thinking
I feel like I've found a bit more strength to get through the rest of my chemo... It was something my mum said that made me think this... I was telling her about yet another one of my new strategies to combat negative thoughts and nausea (currently by trying to recite the words to Modern Major General, but that's another story). She said something about how with repetitive treatments like this it's important to keep trying new things, different tactics each time to deal with it. It made me realise that it's not just about trying to be strong and get through one big tough time, it's like repetitive torture and it builds up, and you can't face it the same way twice.... you have to find a new way to deal with it every single time. As soon as you use one tactic to deal with it, it's used up and useless and you can't use it again, because it does more harm than good because it's become assosciated with the hardship. I'll probably never want to hear Modern Major General again, or do crosswords, or any of the things I've done so far when I've needed something to focus on when my mind just keeps reliving the nausea and dwelling on the chemo drugs running up my veins. It is sort of harder, and easier, realising this. Not only do you have to stay positive, and strong, you've got to keep coming up with new and innovative ways to do it!! But I also FEEL stronger now for having realised I've been doing ok so far. I haven't given in, I do keep looking for new ways to keep a step ahead, even if it's with Gilbert and Sutherland...

So... Does anyone have any ideas they can share for me for new ways to keep my brain occupied? Basically it's like the "purple elephant" thing... you know, when someone says "don't think about the purple elephant" and that's ALL you can think about. Every little twinge of nauseua, or the cold (the IV drips are COLD), or the muscle aches, or smells, remind me of my worst days or the actual treatments, and THEN to top that off I start picturing the treatment in detail because I'm trying NOT to. I need diversionary tactics. Trying to recite poems or songs does seem to work ok so far, so that sort of thing, which if I feel my mind going for the puke pics I can instantly start singing or going over in my head to counter act. Even short meditation exercises maybe? Anything that needs a little bit of focus!